Time Check: 2:28 AM

These have been, by far, two of the worst nights of my life.

I am currently taking mid year classes under General Chemistry II (Chem 17 and Chem 17.1) to at least compensate for my delay. I shifted into BS Biology from BA Communication Arts so there is really much I have to catch up on, considering I have lived through GE* courses the first year and a half of college. Taking two months from my vacation, this decision did not really give me a hard time. I really had to do it. I enlisted and enrolled myself then, without any idea that it might be hard for me.

The dormitory I stay in transferred me to my old room and building, where some unwanted memories took place. In addition, the room is smaller and it looks awful (my latter room is bright, clean, spacious, cozy). Dormers are fighting over seats in the lobby for internet connection. But the worst of all is, my roommate, whom I have completely no idea of, does not sleep in at night and comes in the morning when I’m taking naps to boost energy for my four hour laboratory class! She coughs loudly so bad, goes in and out of our comfort room (which makes stupid noises), and leaves her food (without any cover) on her desk. I’d prefer to sleep knowing there’s a person on the bed across mine. I miss Krizia, the only roommate I ever had in Los Baños*. We both know each other enough to know how to adjust.

When I’m at class with my friends, I don’t get sad at all. Unless there’s a quiz which I studied for and yet still get a low score. At night, when I come home, the loneliness and the emptiness and every other disgusting feeling there is come creeping in and embrace every ounce of my being. I try to focus on my academics but it’s hard when I’m sad.

I have no other way to say what I’m feeling but sad. I miss my family back home. I miss my friends back home. I miss the liveliness of this place. I miss the regular semester when I could breathe from time to time. As of now, there is always something to submit the day after, a quiz the day after, for four whole months of chemistry are packed into two. I miss regular school days when I could watch American and Asian TV series on end and still attend my 8 AM class and sleep after that, as permitted by my schedule. I miss not having to think about what I could possibly do alone. I miss not having to think about the silence and how rudely loud it is. It’s deafening. I have been out of the house, living everywhere for quite some time now, that I have forgotten how to live by myself.

I could cry. Release all this. But I can’t. There is no explaining that. Instead, I seek refuge in the soothing words of my mother as I always see to it to talk to her before she goes to bed.

I wish I could find a way to make this feeling stop.

I wish I could find a way to stop being so disappointed with myself with my low performance at school. I wish I could stop comparing myself to others and just do me at my own pace. But it’s hard getting my mind straight when there is no other voice to hear but the cruelty of mine.

Good night.

*GE: General Education

*Los Baños: An urban municipality in Laguna, CALABARZON, Philippines


Rea & Friends

Life couldn’t get any better.

Last September 24th, we celebrated a surprise party for one of my best friends, Nicole.

She was officially 18 yet she had decided not to go for those tremendously glamorous debuts. We had fun nevertheless!

It was crazy. I had to leave at Los Baños late because I had a 5:30- 7pm class. My parents fetched me and dropped me off at Eastwood for the party. I wasn’t able to witness her reaction when she knew about the suprise but fortunately, I arrived at the right moment to capture the feeling of finally seeing and hugging each other after weeks of sending text messages online.

I thought the party was done when the hour hand hit twelve; little did I know it has only just begun.

My friends decided we go settle at Raine’s and spend a couple of minutes there. Minutes turned to hours! I was even a little anxious because I knew what my parents would tell me when the sun rises. I was sensing it was nowhere near good. We talked and catched up and laughed and told stories and shared how college was treating us and laughed some more. It was definitely a night to remember. I came home at about two in the morning, without my parents getting mad at me.

I introduce to you my circle of friends!

We all met when we were freshies in high school. I had short hair. I tied my hair often and got a couple of acne remnants on my face. In short, I was close to being unnoticeable because of my oddly and poorly constructed physical appearance. Nicole, on the other hand, was simple and neat. Raine has been a student in the institution for years. She belonged to the group who just laughed and talked out loud. Alysson, lastly, was also a new student like me and Nicole. I did not really notice her on the first few days but on the latter part, I did observe her to be the musically inclined type of person (also Raine but Aly seemed more of the type). Altogether, we clicked in such a way that chemistry cannot explain. We were inseparable. Through finals and practices. Through rave parties to CET reviews. Through Mondays and Fridays. Through thick and thin.

Currently, we are all in different universities taking up completely different courses. One longs to be a CEO of a company in the future. while the other wants to fly planes and see how little the world is from up above. Another one likes to write stories and cure disabilities at the same time. Conversely, I still am unsure of what I want to do for the rest of my life. Two months through college and yet I still find myself in deep search for who I want to become. Anyway, my dilemma is nowhere connected to my post so let’s just proceed with introducing you to my friends!

(From left!) Me, Nicole, Aly, Raine