Why I left

I was at home when I thought about it. It was a pang of realization and a puncture of pain. It was inevitable, but I had to act against inertia.

I am going nowhere. I am nowhere. I am in my hometown, a city where I grew up, and I should be happy here, but I am not. I was dying to be someplace else but that is a surprise, because I know how it feels like to be far from home. Suddenly, I am starting to feel like I’m back in 10th grade, deciding which university campus to choose. It feels horrible being away from family. And that horrible fact of being away from them makes me a monster for choosing to do something for myself; it makes me feel like I left them, sacrificed the people who made a home out of me, for becoming far greater. I should be walking towards greatness by now, except I feel way worse.

I was eaten up by a choice I willfully made which had an exemplary purpose. For a while, I thought I was a murderer for killing my spot in the family: a plate, a set of spoon and fork, a glass of water had to be put away because Rea has gone away. That, for the longest time, was who I am. I was identified to be the woman who exchanged family for education and I was done being the monster I thought I was. Because in reality, they are okay; they understand. They are rooting for the lady they believed in so much. They keep away my spot in the dining table when I’m away, but place it back right where it should be when I arrive home.

It’s been two years in college cities away from mine and this is all I came to be. This is all I had become. What a complete waste, those two years was. I refuse the guilt. I refuse to feed myself to the fangs of those voices behind my back whispering me to stay because I have long taken my flight to make myself something more, and this has been keeping me from reaching my destination. I have been on my plane for a long while- it is time to touch down.

So here I am. I will continue to work for Z Plus the same way I am willing to work for learning photography, enhancing my writing which I suppose is very much mediocre, read, and read more- be it political, be it local and international news, be it fiction. I am willing to go beyond my craft the same way I am willing to divulge and drown myself in science: biology to be specific, a field I chose to traverse and succeed. With all my heart, biology, I offer my life to you. And to my country, my Philippines, you’ve got me. Everything I do, I do for your healing.

To Mom and Dad, to my family, you are home, you will always be, but I know places that await me; I have places to be. See you back home, and I love you.


Pinto Art Museum: The Beauty in Truth, The Truth in Beauty


7th January, 2016 • I’m not against anyone or anything!


It always haunted me: I thought, art loses its meaning once many have delved into it. Somehow, no matter how absurd, I would not pay attention to the galleries, museums, and the like seen and defined by most, for I see what they usually do (example: let others take photographs of themselves while looking at the paintings) as mere treachery to the very purpose of art. I have done this once before, I won’t deny. And yes, I have considered myself treacherous.

After the little time I spent here, I realized, art exists because of how many souls it has touched. Sadly, I have generalized and mistaken their purpose of coming because of what some do. My apologies.

On the other hand, thoughts continue to baffle me; years from now, perhaps, the universe will take me somewhere and lead me into thinking otherwise. Until then, I invite you all to take a look at Pinto Art Museum! It is painfully breathtaking. Listen closely to what every piece has to say. After all, you are for the art and nothing else!

© instagram account: rfzss, posted on 01- 07- 16

The Pinto Art Museum was, and still is, astonishing. My girlfriend took me to the place (San Roque, Antipolo, Rizal). We even got a little nervous on the way there, for we had to pass through steep roads while riding on a Jeepney running about 500, 000 miles per hour. Note the exaggeration. Nevertheless, we get there, safe and whole.


This is not the entrance.

While walking through the little entrance, I made so much assumptions about what the museum has in store for me inside. It was a narrow pathway that led to a door. Further on the right is a window designated for paying the entrance fee of 150. However, we brought along our School ID, so we got a discount. We only paid 100 for it.

When we entered, it surely did not disappoint for a welcoming remark.


This is not the view when you get inside.

There were several galleries; one led to another. It was as though you are rummaging to a series of quests, only you are not timed. Only, you will not get exhausted. You will want to repeat the walking, the staring, the whole process, a little bit longer and a couple more times. Every gallery, with its respective theme, has so much to offer. I never thought simple Filipino traits and habit could mean significance to our artists and give their pieces such a definition. The light and heavy strokes of their artwork symbolizes who they are, and what their creation is. It makes me beyond proud to have met them through their art works. I am not only talking about their creativity here, I am giving strong emphasis on their passions, on their subconscious and conscious, on their observations, on their fears, on their desires, on their views on truth, on their perspective on art.


Given the artworks, if one has a sense of reflection, may just provide the viewer the capacity to look at life differently. Regarding people who tend to be more realistic than imaginative, this will exercise their ability to comprehend a world between the real and the unreal- or even, between the real and the masked truth.


I do not want to describe what’s inside, exactly. It is enough you know a glimpse of the power it had restored in me. Also, I do not want to spoil you: for I challenge you to come and take your friends with you, or go alone, so long as you are for the contemplation, the silent walks, the serene appreciation; go and arrive safely, for you are about to have the adventure that might change your life course.