Since the start of the semester, I have been experiencing a form of yearning which I am not fully aware what to call- yet. I have looked everywhere- I bought new books, downloaded apps on my phone which would help me update myself on world and local news, consulted friends regarding secret ventures. There is still something missing, to my dismay.
I walk alone a lot. I have my friends on Wednesday and Fridays but we only have three subjects together. Tuesdays and Thursdays are mine and mine alone- four subjects dealing with myself. I have this developing theory that being alone makes me sad. However, I recall, I become more productive when I have no one to spare time with. Here’s the problem with being alone, I guess. You become more sensitive to the things around you. You let your mind speak for you. It seems odd to say. But the more you spend time with yourself, the more you develop a stronger connection with your mind. You become more conscious of what is inside of you. You become conscious of what comes out. And more often than not, our actions do not satisfy our ideal self.
I guess that’s what people forget to do: live inside themselves. They keep dreaming about their careers in different industries; they keep running when they don’t even understand up to what limit they could. They keep living as if the adventure is outside. They are unaware that it starts the moment they have accomplished the quest inside. Although I believe this is still debatable, for self- discovery is a lifetime labyrinth, I still rest my case on the fact that the primary necessity to achieve our concrete life goals is to at least consider living inside and understanding what it is making of you.
I walk alone a lot. And walking alone has taught me to observe- not only on the way trees sway in absolute serenity, but also the way my thoughts buffer inside. I observe how I breathe, how my pacing is synchronized with the way I turn my head- left then right.
This is all for now, I guess.